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This has been a week of bad news on the COVID-19 front. Numbers are continuing to rise, we’ve heard we’re now in a 2nd wave. Add to this, the shortening hours of daylight and the upcoming election and we’ve got a not-so-pretty picture.

So I hope today’s devotion will add a bit of levity to your day. I’ve always been a huge Garrison Keillor fan and the following is his take on Methodists. Some of this will ring true to you and some, maybe not so much, but today I celebrate our fellowship, our church family and I raise my cup of coffee to you all.


We make fun of Methodists for their blandness, their excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their lack of speed, and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese.

But nobody sings like them. If you were to ask an audience in New York City, a relatively Methodist-less place, to sing along on the chorus of "Michael Row the Boat Ashore," they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their underwear. But if you do this among Methodists, they'd smile and row that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road!

Many Methodists are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony, a talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little head against that person's rib cage.

It's natural for Methodists to sing in harmony. They are too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in unison. When you're singing in the key of C and you slide into the A7th and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it's an emotionally fulfilling moment. By joining in harmony, they somehow promise that they will not forsake each other.

I do believe this: People, these Methodists, who love to sing in four-part harmony are the sort of people you can call up when you're in deep distress.

*If you're dying, they will comfort you.

*If you are lonely, they'll talk to you.

*And if you are hungry, they'll give you tuna salad.

*Methodists believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.

*Methodists like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.

*Methodists believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are there.

*Methodists usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.

*Methodists believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
Methodists think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace.

*Methodists drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.

*Methodists feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.

*Methodists are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at the church.

*Methodists still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color of the season and think that peas in a tuna casserole adds too much color.

*Methodists believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.

And finally, You know you are a Methodist when:

It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service.

You hear something funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can.

Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee.

When you watch a Star Wars movie and they say, "May the Force be with you," you respond, "and also with you."

And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say good-bye!

Yours in the journey,

Pastor Kristen  



DONATIONS TO PENNY PANTRY: We have not been announcing Penny Pantry Sunday these last months but please remember to donate to this worthy cause. Half of the donations go to the upkeep of our facilities and half to global ministries and missions. You can donate at any time, at any worship service or online or by mail. You’re offering makes a difference here and abroad and we are most grateful.  


Annual Church Conference will be held on Monday, December 14th at 7pm (with a brief SPRC meeting with the District Superintendent at 6:45). This is a good ways off, but this gives us good time to prepare.

The Cabinet has decided that all church conferences this year will be held online using Zoom video conferencing. This is due to the pandemic and its unknown influence in the future and does not set a precedent for future church conferences; this decision is based on the current extreme circumstances of the COVID-19 pandemic.

What this means is that you can attend our CUMC annual conference either at home, on your computer. (We are happy to explain to you what it will be like and help you with set up and instructions so that you are familiar and comfortable to be a part of the conference from your home –


You can attend the conference in the church sanctuary, masked and socially distanced. You will be able to hear those attending remotely via internet and see them on the screens.

Please contact Pastor Kristen at (224) 628-9128 with any questions or if you desire help in order to attend the conference remotely.


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Devotion- October 07, 2020

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Devotion- September 16, 2020

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Devotion- September 03, 2020

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Devotion- August 05, 2020

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Devotion- July 22, 2020

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Devotion- July 15, 2020

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Devotion- July 9, 2020

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Devotion- June 17, 2020

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Devotion- June 10, 2020

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Devotion- June 02, 2020

Click the underline blue line to watch video—
How Great Thou Art

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Devotion- (May 23 - May 30)

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Devotion- (May 17- May 23)

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Devotion- (May 10 - May 16)

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Devotion- (April 26-May 02, 2020)

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Devotion- (April 12 - April 18)

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Our first priority remains keeping one another safe. We care deeply for you, and remain committed to doing all we can for each other’s safety and health.

The in-person ministries of the church has resumed on

August 16, 2020.


Our Boy Scouts and support groups will be able to meet in the church, following CDC guidelines.


August 31 begins the Before and After School NEW Program entitled, the

eLearning Community Initiative

Click HERE for more info

New in-Person Worship times are

Sundays at 10:00 a.m.


Wednesday Evenings


7:00 p.m.

You can still stay connected by

Phone: 708-672-8353

Email: office@creteumc.org


Quick Links

Phone: 708-672-8353

Email: office@creteumc.org

Church Office Hours:

M-F, 8-1p

Currently and until further notice, the church office is closed. If you need building access, please call the church office @ (708) 672-8353.

Your calls to the church during regular office hours (Monday through Friday between 8am - 1pm) will now be answered by a person! Calls are now being forwarded to Diane's phone remotely. If the line is busy, just leave a message and she'll return the call as soon as possible. Your call is very important to us. If you wish to speak to Pastor Kristen, you can reach her directly @ (224) 628-9128

Want to meet with Pastor Kristen?


Please give her a call @ (224) 628-9128 to set up an appointment. She would be so happy to meet with you.

Located at 1321 Main Street, Crete, IL 60417

©2020  Crete United Methodist Church

All Rights Reserved.

Created by Diane J. McGarel